When the chips are down - do you sink or swim? Sometimes, life becomes so challenging we don't know where to turn, but there are ways to help get through the dark times.

I’ll never forget that beautiful spring day on the 3rd November 1998. It was Melbourne Cup Day. I lived in the perfect house, with the perfect husband, the perfect prize-winning garden with my two perfect children. On this morning my eldest daughter, Emma 5, was at school and number two daughter, Grace 3, was playing under my feet as I hung out the washing. The air was crisp and the sky blue without a cloud to be seen. The exquisite sent of Jasmine wafted through the air and I felt much happiness and joy. However, I also felt quite sad for my brother, Kevin, whose girlfriend’s mother, Robyn, had just passed away. Kevin and I had 3 telephone conversations this morning. We were arranging to go to the funeral. Kevin and I are both Librans and making a decision is excruciating for us two, hence the three phone calls – making sure we had made the right decision on where we would meet.

As I hung out my washing, I looked up at the blue sky. It was so perfect and in contrast to the powder blue sky, I looked through the green pine trees. I stopped, took a breath and bathed in the scent of the Jasmine, thought about my beautiful life and as I took all this scenery and happiness into my senses, I stopped and thought these exact words; “Well Robyn you must be very happy and at peace now in heaven”. I am not a religious person, however I am spiritual and believe we go elsewhere after we leave our physical bodies. I felt very at peace and at the same time sad for Robyn, but glad she was not suffering from the ravaging cancer any more. My peace just washed over me.

“Ring, ring” the phone interrupted my thoughts and I took off up the stairs and little Grace followed me. “What is it this time?” I joked when I answered, thinking it was Kevin with yet another suggestion where we should meet for the funeral. However, it was not Kevin, it was my dad and he said “Debbie, is Andrew home?” in a very strange voice. “No, dad you know he’s at work I laughed”. “Well then it doesn’t matter he said” to which I replied, “What is it dad, what’s wrong”.

“Debbie, your brother is dead” he blurted. He didn’t have to tell me which brother, I knew it was my brother Gary, the one that I tried so hard to help. The brother that suffered terrible depression as a result of being molested by the family priest. The one that I loved with all my heart and wanted so much for him to be happy. The one who had the most brilliant artistic talent ever. I knew instantly it was him and as I threw the phone and screamed at my father, accusing him of lying to me, I ran up the hall and threw myself on the grass outside the front, pounding the ground, hysterical, out of control with my three year old daughter watching this devastating episode, and from that day on my life changed forever.

I don’t need to elaborate how depression and grief took over me. It was the first time of my life that I did not want to live anymore, I lost a lot of weight and my perfect world was not perfect now. Many changes happened after that, including being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and my marriage failing. I had to leave my perfect house and my daughter’s with my husband. To this day, I am so very grateful that Andrew and were able to be, and still are, great friends, and our daughter’s were never in a custody battle or had visiting rules. To this day they come and go to each of us as they please, and Andrew will come home to find me in his home cooking dinner, I am very proud and happy how that part of my sad life turned out ok.

However, I am made of strong stuff. I am a fighter, and I have a willpower and determination that can get me through anything. Gary’s death was to be the start of a long battle for me. One that saw me lose everything I owned and many other challenges.

When I started my business, I took on much more than I was capable of coping with and without any knowledge or capital to start a business. It was torture but I believed in myself so much I refused to give up. There were times I wanted to end my own life, although I would never have done it because I know what happens to those left behind.

So how did I cope and how did I get out of the black days? Firstly, I exercise, I cannot stress to you enough how important exercise is for lifting the spirits. I exercise every day and I find if I don’t start my day with some sort of exercise, it often stops me enjoying my it.

Needless to say, eating healthy food also helps. If you are a person who puts weight on, combining a healthy diet with exercise immediately will lift your spirits as you feel so much better physically. So yes, I am saying get fit! In my opinion it helps.

When my doctor informed me I had Crohn’s disease I made an instant ‘pact’ with myself, I put a belief in my head, that no matter what, no one could convince me otherwise that if I kept really fit and adjusted my diet somewhat the Crohn’s would not affect me. People are amazed when I tell them I have been diagnosed with this disease because it does not affect me at all. My mind is so powerful, and my belief about this so strong, that my body has no choice but to keep healthy.

Through the tough times of my business, I told myself never to give up, no matter what. I believe very much in the Law of Attraction or The Law of Vibration and I know that when I keep my mind in a positive state – everything goes well for me. In this article there is not enough space to talk much about it here, however if you would like a longer article write to me at debbie@coyote.com.au and I will email you the article.

I used to worry about a lot of things. The more I worried the more things went wrong. One day, I just decided that worry isn’t going to change anything. All it does is make me miserable but it won’t take away my problems. I decided, just like my father taught me, I would be happy. May as well have the problems and laugh rather than cry. If you really study what I just wrote i.e. worrying will not change your problem – so why not be happy anyway? Why be miserable and sad over money or whatever – it won’t change it. However, if you are in a positive vibration (feeling) then you have a much better mind to be creative and get out of your problem. After all, problems are just opportunities.

My brother Gary could not see the light from the dark and when he died he left a recording. He says a lot of things on this recording but the saddest is “A fly has more meaning to life than me”. The truth is the fly has just as much meaning to life as Gary. We are all perfect creations of a Universe that wants us to be abundant, we just need to know how to tap into this.

For more information on the Law of Attraction visit my website Coyote Management International

My tips on staying happy:

* Exercise (yes I know I keep on about it - there is a reason for it!)
* Eat right
* Avoid overdoing the alcohol (and needless to say drugs)
* Create ‘belief’ systems i.e. "I am happy always no matter what problems, which are really opportunities that come my way”
* Read everything you can on the Law of Attraction, truly it changed my life
* My favourite – I tell myself (when I am having a bad day which isn’t that often, "well tomorrow will be much better, this is just temporary”)
* Do something nice for someone else
* Be with happy people
* Develop a habit of staying happy no matter what is happening – it’s not going to change by worrying or being sad, that’s just a waste of your life
* Understand that it takes courage to change your mindset, but believe me it can be done.
* Owning a speakers bureau, I have people on my books that have faced terrible physical and emotional trauma, they are now speaking and teaching others about it. Read their stories!
* Changing your mindset is not as simple as ‘snap out of it’ it takes work on your part

Someone said to me after Gary died “Debbie, don’t put your brother behind you, put him beside you and walk on” – those words changed me and my life and that’s exactly what I did.

Debbie Carr is the owner of Coyote Management International Speaker Bureau, she also works as a recruiter and speaks on the topic of The Law of Attraction and tells her own inspirational story